My youngest sister has called me 'Bubba' for most of her life. I think it started from an inability to say brother as a very small child and then evolved into a means of sibling derision as time progressed. When my niece was born the 'Uncle Bubba' jokes began and still, upon occasion, raise their head when anyone chooses to make an undefendable joke at my expense.
Well boys and girls, Uncle Bubba has officially had enough.
What have I had enough of? Well at this point in my existence I have decided to focus my ire on celebrities and their antics. To explain, I should tell you how I started my morning...
I woke up this morning and started my day as always: walking the dog, checking my email, trying in vain to jumpstart my quickly advancing on middle age central nervous system without caffeine, when a posting on CNN.com caught my attention. It would appear that Lindsay Lohan, celebrity still for God only knows why, has posed for Playboy and oh-the-horror some of the pictures have leaked out onto the internet. I'll admit, I'm male, I looked. You know, I am well aware that have the ability to be crass upon occasion. In fact, I occasionally revel in it. But this crap, well, I can't really find a nice way to put this so I'm just going to state my opinion and be done.
This moronic, pendantic, and sophomoric display of oh-God-my-career-has-gone-to-turd-so-hey-everyone-look-at-my-boobs-and-maybe-I-can-stave-off-the-inevitable-for-two-more-minutes was not worth the callouses. I mean seriously? I've seen drugged addled crack monkeys before but I never thought Heff and Co. would stoop to placing one in a high profile centerfold. Never mind, I immediately retract that statement. If they remotely followed that ideaology they'd have closed up shop around 1985.
So anyway, after my early morning shudder of revulsion and the subsequent need to go back to bed and try to pretend it was all just a very very very bad dream, my little brain started turning and I realized that I am so over the whole 'celebrity' due to bad behaviour phenomenon. It occurs to me that the only reason these idiots are even in the public eye is that WE PUT UP WITH IT! Take Princess Lohan for example. Most of us run screaming from anyone we know in our lives with a felony rap sheet as long as hers. We make snide jokes about Cousin-So-And-So with the 'little problem' that goes in and out of rehab. But let the unfortunate remnants of what used to be a fairly serviceable little Disney actress Amtrak her way through one miserable public failure and embarrassment after another and oh-dear-God can we not get enough.
I am so sick of all the Lindsays, Snookies, Kardashians, and Real Housewives of Dumbshitville that I honestly don't think I can take anymore. Why do we as a culture glorify this nonsense on such a continualy basis? It seriously makes me want to line everyone one of them up in a 1995-esque Janeanne Garofalo hangover lineup, get a big handful of powder, and take a cue from Katt Williams and slap the shit out of each one directly across their plastic surgery enhanced coke vacuum while shouting "Simple Bitch!"
And besides people, if we're going to be honest about it anyway, Brittney already pulled this crap earlier last decade and she was, at least, entertaining about it. Honestly, who hasn't had the urge to beat someone with an umbrella or two...
All I can say is maybe if we as a society stop glorifying the failings and misdeeds of others that maybe, just maybe, some of this tidal wave of offal would subside. Nah, nevermind. The second that happens Twitter would shut down and Discovery ID, A&E, and about 15 other minor cable networks would be reduced to three decent dramas and old Shamwow commercials.
To hell with it. I'm going to read a book or go outside or something.
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