I'd love to be able to say I was tired or fed up with stupidity and ignorance and then flare off into some protracted diatribe, but the truth is I was done with ignorant people twenty years ago and everything I would say, no matter how pithy, would simply be rehashed sentiment.
Instead, I'd like to share a few stories that have absolutely flabbergasted me over the last week. I'm honestly ashamed as a human being to say that these members of the herd are still kicking around and sucking up oxygen but, to be honest, I think I'm just too tired to care enough to do anything about it.
Genius #1: As many of you know, I volunteer with a local library several days a week. It not only gets me out of the house and out of my head but it affords me the opportunity to actually do something to help an institution that is in real jeopardy. I'm working at the (such as it is) front counter this last Saturday when a woman comes in and wants to know where the ^&**&^ she can find a book on geometry because her "retard" kid has to do a report and it's due next week and he's too stupid to do it at school. Obvious mother of the year material, but I digress. Oh yeah, did I mention the kid was standing next to her the entire conversation, looking like the dictionary definition of brow-beaten embodied? Still attempting to be polite and professional, I work a little computer magic and get an answer for the harpy. I then take her by the claw down into the stacks and help her search for the book. The only results are a few college level geometry texts that obviously require a basic grasp of algebra to comprehend. Noticing that the kid was wiping his own snot with the back of his hand and then contributing to the mucus farming project he had going on his jeans, I was able to assess that we probably weren't dealing with Doogie Howser. I explained to the mother that the books in our collection were probably far too advanced and asked her exactly what he needed to be able to do. She replied that he had a list of shapes that he had to find a picture of and then draw out for his report.
Here's where things went for a hard left. I ask her if she has an internet connection at home. She states that they do. I ask her if she had tried to Google each term and then let him simply copy the picture that comes up. She states no, it takes too much time. I grimace and ask her where she lives. She replies that she lives in Princeton, which is a forty five minute drive from said library, and that this is the fifth library they've been to that day. She says she's getting frustrated because they've been at this for six hours at that point.
As a last ditch effort, I look online and find out that the public library in Smithfield, ten minutes from her house, has a juvenile level geometry book ready for shelving. I call, reserve it for her, and send her back on her way.
Dear sweet mother of God. If that kid doesn't grow up to be a serial killer or a Congressman. . .
Genius #2: Those of you that know me personally or have been reading this blog for a while know that I am slightly grumpy by nature. It's a personality trait that some would call a flaw and I refer to as the price of being just marginally smarter than the average anteater. One of my favorite deejays in the Raleigh area is Bob Dumas on G105, the ringleader of Bob and the Showgram Monday thru Friday mornings. Bob has a LONG standing rule about never pulling forward at a drive thru window. Period. I thought it made sense, after all the only reason for them to ask you to pull up is if they either (a) weren't prepared for or (b) screwed up your order and they need to keep the line moving so their window times aren't profanely high when the manager runs the reports. As a longtime fan of both Bob and grumpy-man logic, I adopted this rule years ago as well with one small modification: I only refuse to pull up or park if it is obviously a situation bred from their own incompetence. Last night, roughly around eight o'clock, I decide to run over to a restaurant that shall remain nameless simply because I feel I pick on them enough already to pick up dinner. I sit in what is supposed to be a faster-now-that-they've-remodelled drive thru for twenty minutes for a nine dollar order. I finally arrive at the window and am handed the wrong bag. I show the young lady at the window my receipt and tell her this is not what I ordered. Her reply: 'yes it is.'
Something deep in my soul begins to cry softly. It would appear I've found another one.
My order was somewhat of a dollar menu fandango consisting of multiple items. The large order of fries with two containers of sweet and sour sauce, while albeit tempting, wasn't quite going to fit the bill or justify the expense. I politely decline and ask her to please check again. Ten minutes later I find myself mystified as instead of being on my way with my bag o' cholesterol I am still sitting motionless with my foot on the brake as four people are standing inside the restaurant window apparently discussing my order and who had the fewest number of chromosomes. A minute or so later a pimply faced attempt at a man who appeared to be at least somewhat in charge came to the window and told me that they needed me to park and that my food would be out to me in about ten minutes as the "dumb shits in the back" had "fucked up" my order.
I politely refused to pull ahead and in fact put my truck in park for emphasis. You would have thought my simple "I'm sorry but no. I'll be right here when you get my order ready" signified the end of the civilized world for this being. I swear to you he became so instantaneously angry that three or four zits actually visibly popped on his forehead. He actually attempted to muster a little bass in his voice and then ordered me to move my truck and comply with his request.
Now yes, I could have taken the high road here. I could have just moved the truck and laughed him off. I know this. But you know, there is something about a barely postpubescent Pizza the Hutt knockoff whose face is oozing a substance that is probably the substrate from which Gouda cheese is made attempting to bark orders at me that just rankles me a bit.
I cut off the ignition and, being an excellent driver, turned on my hazard lights. After the fact I realized that not only had I just sunk to the moron's level but had in fact literally become the metaphorical immovable object. I'm not sure but I think I even crossed my arms for emphasis.
Junior stormed off. They began serving cars around me by walking orders out of the side door. My hard headed streak was in full glory. Roughly ten minutes later my order arrived. It turned out that my original order had been sitting on the counter all along and that the original genius apparently can't read a receipt. The manager on duty attempted to refund my money and give me the original order as well. I told him no thank you, started my truck, and left. To all those that I inconvenienced last night, I do apologize but sometimes you just have to make a point. The sad thing is that I was too tired and disgusted by the time I got home to even bother sharing the experience with my wife. All I could muster was a comment about the morons in the drive thru and just let it be at that.
Truth be told there are a number of additional examples I could give you but it would only serve to belabor the point. I will just never understand why people in general feel it is okay to behave ignorantly. I swear it's honestly become so tiresome that unless something just stratospherically moronic crosses my path, this will probably be the last post on this subject for a while.
Who knew that dumbasses would eventually cease to be entertaining?
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