I was reading an article this weekend on 'how to self-publicize' as a writer (strangely enough it was from the same web site that I was originally pointed to by the first person who told me I should write a blog). The author of this little piece of directional guidance stated that once you have a blog up and running for a while, in their indication a month or so, it's always a prudent investment of your time to check your viewing statistics and see what your readers actually like. They further stated that on occasion they, as a scribbler themselves, have even gained ideas for new work based upon what they see from blog statistics.
While I was reading I was comparing my mental notes about some of the absurdities I've foisted out on you good folks as I've written my first thirty entries and where some of that could potentially take me in the future. After laughing myself nearly to the point of hypoxia, or was it hyperplexia (don't worry, I needed Google to get the joke myself), I decided to take this random dudette's advice and see what the numbers had to say about my dear little fanclub.
Now before I begin I do have one confession to make. I already regularly look at my page views for the blog but for purely narcissistic reasons. Mainly, and I swear to your divinity of choice I mean this, I still have a little trouble believing that anyone reads this stuff and even moreso the actually number of hits I get on certain pages. I've learned that if I really toss out some garbage I won't get but maybe twenty hits in a day. I've also learned that if I actually give mental birth to something of some minor merit I get some fairly silly results. I've also learned that I'm fairly popular with the Android and Windows crowd but not so much with Apple and iOS. Guess I don't fix in very well with the Aesthetic, huh? That's okay, I've never been much of a whine and cheese guy but I do still greatly appreciate the 3% of my readership that hails from the Jobsian Cloud!
Hey, call it cheap validation. There was actually a day a few weeks back that I got over three hundred hits in a six hour period and I didn't have to play a stuttering faux-lesbian on Buffy to get it to happen (sorry to Ms. Benson for yet another shot across the bow but I have to be honest, your stuff really does make me feel better)!
So, with all of that front loaded and bullshit ridden chicanery out of the way, let's get down to the good stuff. Based on the numbers, what have you, my semi-loyal when-you-run-out-of-the-comics-and-obituaries readers, chosen as your favorite of my scribblings to date?
Coming in at number five was "With All Thanks And Due Respect" in which we discussed some of the abuse and neglect facing our veterans. Number four in popularity to date has been "Scenes from a Wedding" which recounted some of the silliness surrounding our impromptu wedding in early February. Tied for third on the popularity list was "Yet Another Scene from a Wal-Mart," the compelling saga of a loud mouthed cashier finally getting one over on a jerk, and "Women Be Evil" which told the story of an early twenties seductress and her comically manipulated and grease stained victim. Number two on the list with a fairly respectable pile up of over 750 hits was "Scars and Souvenirs" in which we discussed self-worth, accomplishment, really good stories, and the scars they leave us with. Finally, in the number one spot with well over 1000 hits was "Faith and Religion," otherwise known as my little rant on religious tolerance and stupidity.
(On a personal note, congratulations to Mr. Hunt whose triumphant surgery scar took second place to Ralph the Head of Lettuce and a Solstice Orgy. Personally I was rooting for you buddy but the people have spoken. At least you beat out the little McDonald's whore and Wally World and, judging by the crowd, I'd consider that an achievement in and of itself!)
So what does it all mean? Well, personally I think I've got a fairly good number of readers who will definitely slow down to look at a car wreck and make horrible jokes at the victims' expense later that evening. This of course makes you very much my kind of people and I'm proud to somewhat know you. But seriously, I do have one question though. WAL-MART tied for number three with a sexually manipulative just past high school douchebaguette? Really? I'm not sure whether to be comforted, disturbed, or just nod my head in resignation and move on quietly.
And now we get to the fun part. Following the sage like advice of this article's author, I shall now try to draw inspiration for a new story based on what everyone seems to have liked the most in my blog to date. Someone cue the bad stage magician soundtrack and let's see if we can do this math together...
Soliers and Veterans + Goofy Wedding Stories + Wal Mart Hijinks + Evil Seductress + Hapless Victim + Scars + God(s) and Such = ..................
You know I haven't got a clue, although I will hazard the guess and say a part of this really sounds like an amalgamation of a couple of Nicholas Sparks novels.
Well, I hope that was as much of a load of giggle infested hilarity for all of you as it was for me. If anyone can make sense of that pile of randomness and comes up with an idea, let me know. I'll give you co-author credit. Better yet, just write it yourself. You'll probably do a better job than I would but I'll still be happy to pimp your stuff for you.
Let's see exactly how long it takes this entry into the blogosphere to reach ten hits. I'm guessing at least a month.
Time to get back to doing what I do best. Maybe later today I'll even find time to get some writing in for good measure.
[Updated precisely one hour after first posting: 27 hits in an hour. I sit very much corrected and to a slight degree less humble than I was a few hours ago. Thank you sirs and madams and my apologies for discounting your taste (or lack thereof). I promise the next one will actually be worth reading!]
Here is an idea. Take a group of underappreciated and scarred veterans to Wal Mart to witness a wedding, and let the fun begin.
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