If you've ever bothered to open a Superman comic, have seen a cartoon, or been stuck in front of the odd movie or random episode of Smallville, I'm going to assume that (a) you speak at least a small variant of nerd and (b) you understand what Kryptonite is on at least a basic level. If you don't, well, I guess there's always Wikipedia. The thing that always cracked me up about Kryptonite is that depending on what the color du juor was that month at DC, it always had a different effect on ol' Kal-El. Never did two different colors do the same thing. Over the years there have been so many colors that I'm surprised that by now they haven't come up with a rainbow crystal of the stuff that makes Superman ditch the old reliable red and blue tights for oversized glasses, a snow leopard fur trimmed cape with matching hat and a neon green lounge suit. Think about it... Up, Up, and Oh-Darn-I-Think-I-Chipped-My-Pedicure-In-My-Open-Toed-Warrior-Sandals. Not to take the metaphor too far but I wonder... if Superman went flamboyant one day, who would be his sidekick? Carson Kressley?
Okay, before I go too far down the path here, let's try to get the ship back under control and get back on topic. A good friend of mine and I were having a discussion the other night regarding weaknesses and obsessions when it came to the opposite sex. Unfortunately, I have a VERY firm grasp on what my particular 'Kryptonite" was back in my single days. If you put me within ten yards of a tall red head with curly hair and an athletic build I would immediately lose IQ points. Saddle the poor lass with any form of brogue, be it Irish or even worse Scottish, and the chances of me being able to refrain from turning into a walking charicature of the old wolf-in-a-zoot-suit cartoons immediately goes from slim to don't even bother. What's worse, load her up with a bad case of smart ass to boot and I would be done. We're talking instantaneous de-evolution from moderately intelligent and erudite to fire-bad girl-pretty. Take any three of those five items from that list and I could normally be counted on to find a way to ruin a weekend pretty quickly. I've only met three in my life that were four of the five, thank God, and have yet to run into anyone with the perfect five of five. My fiance is a partial red head with curly hair and a strong case of smart ass. I think I'm pretty lucky actually. Any more and I'd never have a chance in this lifetime of ever winning an argument.
(And yes, before anyone who knows me very well calls b.s., there are a couple of additional factors that fall into those initial head-turner qualities in a woman that I haven't listed. However, as they aren't really relevant in any real way to my existence or social circle anymore, we'll just back burner those for another lifetime.)
My friend, on the other hand, has a more specific obsession. It's one particular person and this obsession has grown over a number of years. She has now made the determination that she will enlist whatever help she needs to, come hell or high water, to seal the deal with this poor bastard. I call the man a poor bastard because knowing my friend she will probably introduce him to some form of bedroom gymnastics involving a part of her body she refers to as 'magical' that will not only injure the man but probably soften his will to live and maintain an independant existence outside of the happy place in betwixt her thighs. To my friend all I can really say is Happy Hunting and make sure you take pictures. All the really good stories need a slide show, after all.
All of this back and forth discussion the other night got my brain working regarding the whole idea of why members of the opposite sex get our attention and what makes us as otherwise rational creatures take that leap to mentally challenged when the nookie monster raises its somewhat dissheveled head? Granted it also made about six people around us in that particular Starbucks highly uncomfortable, but alas, that is a story for another tme.
Sadly there is a simple answer to all of this. Nobody knows and I would challenge the notion that we even really want to understand that about ourselves at all anyway. Don't get me wrong, I'm not talking about the science of attraction. Five minutes on Netflix and you can find a number of Discovery channel documentaries on pheremones and body signals and all that kind of stuff. What I wonder more is why certain things attract us as individuals, sometimes even to the point of distraction. As an example, I once met a woman at a bar who was only nominally interesting to me until I found out that she played poker, liked whiskey, and smoked cigars. Two weeks later the novel factor wore off and I realized she actually did annoy me, but that also is a story for another time, most likely never.
What I'd like to do is to open the floor, so to speak, to all my readers and ask a direct question:
What gets your attention / turns your head in members of the opposite sex? Obviously I'm not after the easy stuff like 'boobs' et al, but more of specific things about a person you find attractive. More specifically, I guess, is that I would like to know what is your particular Kryptonite? Feel free to respond in comments or via email if you prefer a more private venue.
I'm looking forward to your responses! I'll try and post some of the more interesting ones in a follow up posting within the next week.
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