Women Be Evil: A Field Observation

Oh the fairer sex, what amazing powers you all have over us poor mortal men.  Gentlemen, admit it, every last one of us has done something amazingly stupid at one point or another in our lives for a woman or because of a woman.  In fact, I'd be willing to bet you that if you got right down to it, down to the marrow as it were, we could empty a quarter to a  third of the population of most prisons right now if we suddenly granted amnesty based on proof that a woman motivated the crime.  Now ladies, don't take this as a condemnation, it's simply a statement of fact.

Women have a near mystical power over men.  We accept it, encourage it, and allow it.  It doesn't matter what age of man or woman either.  All that matters is that we as men allow it (most of the time happily) and they as women know and, on occasion, use it for evil.

I've seen this illustrated many many times in my life.  In fact, I've been victim to it many many times and have (literally) the scars to prove it from a few occasions.  However, I saw it happen last night in such a blatant manner that I just had to share the story. 

As I said, evil.

So late last night the fiance and I developed a sudden need for a burger.  Okay, to be honest she just wanted some fries and I was suddenly actually hungry for the first time in over a week and felt the need to feed.  I threw some clothes on, jumped in the truck, and hustled my little cookies toward the local golden arches.  After placing my order I pulled through the drive through to see a rather tall young man, I'm assuming late teens or early twenties, engaged in a rather voracious lip lock with a smaller and very curvy little blonde thing.  Hey, I'm all for everyone's right to the occasional PDA but they were (1) standing actually in the drive through lane, (2) were directly in full view of my headlights, and (3) were so busy getting a little handsy with each other that my front grill nearly ate them.  They broke off the vacuum seal of their lip lock just before I decided to be a grumpy old fart and hit the horn.  Assumingly for good measure he grabbed a very healthy chunk of her rear while she rather brazenly cupped him before running inside.  The young gentleman at least had the single functioning brain cell with adequate blood supply left to raise his hand and apologize to me as he adjusted and made for his car. 

I was ready to just continue to try to forget the little probably-more-lascivious-than-I-noticed-had-I-actually-been-paying-attention slobber festival that had just occurred in front of me when I saw the girl run behind the counter and approach the drive through window.  Apprently she was supposed to be handing out my food but instead was otherwise engaged on safari for some wild cockasaurus.  The window to both my truck and the restaurant was open and instead of receiving my food, I heard the following snippet of conversation:

Blonde to coworker:  "Sorry that took a second."

Coworker:  "Well?"

Blonde:  "He said he would run home, take a shower and change, and come back and work the overnight shift so we can go party."

Coworker:  "Damn girl, I don't know you get away with all the shit you do to him."

Blonde:  "Yeah it's amazing the mileage you can get from one blowjob six months ago."

Now at this point, she was beginning to hand my food out the window to me.  The process was made difficult for her by the fact that I had completely lost my composure and was laughing so hard I could barely breathe.  Have you ever gotten so cracked up that you suddenly stop making noise and are fighting for air?  Yeah boys and girls, I was there!

The blonde suddenly looked rather embarrassed and began to turn red.  "Did you just hear us?" she asked me while actually having the audacity to look appalled.

All I could think of to say was "What are you, like 35?"  I swear all I could think of was that this girl was playing that poor boy so superbly that Candace Bushnell or the CW needed to hire her for source material immediately before the fall pilot season hits. 

"No, I'm like 19." she replied and her look turned toward one of disgust as she shoved my sack of food at me and wrinkled her nose visibly. 

I laughed until I pulled in my driveway ten minutes later.

Women are evil and they are apparently training them younger and younger these days.  You know, I think I might have actually been in college before I ran into my first woman with those kind of skills and she was a Literature and Theater major. 

God help these poor young bucks today.  If those predators are in the wild at that young of an age... WOW.