(With apologies in advance to those who had outstanding input for the blog for this week... This topic needed to come first but I promise I will use the material we've all discussed for next week's piece. Thanks again!)
Well kiddies, it's that time once again. Something has annoyed me to the very fiber of my being, and yes I realize that said fiber might be slightly mud stained and tattered. Simply put, I'd like to make a request of all the retailers out there:
Quit freakin' tinkering with Black Friday already!!!
Look, I work for a quasi-retail organization. Believe it or not, for most of my adult life, Black Friday has been one of the longest days of the year for me but by the very same token it's also been one of the most fun. This is now the fourteenth year I've worked Black Friday in some capacity and at least ten of it has been at the management level. It's an awesome day. Usually that single day generates an enormous amount of sales and income and, when set up correctly and planned for appropriately, can create a successful year out of the economic doldrums all by itself. I'm even a fan of pre-sales on Wednesday night. Awesome. Right on. Let's all go make or spend that money and celebrate capitalism and consumerism in all their righteous glory.
BUT SINCE WHEN IS IT NECESSARY TO OPEN AT 10PM ON THANKSGIVING NIGHT - WAL MART - JUST TO CAPITALIZE ON A FEW MILLION EXTRA DOLLARS IN REVENUE?
Granted I understand that I just answered my own question. As long as there is some bleeding brained basket case who just received their yearly bonus check and can't wait the extra five hours until the stores open there will be some corporate pencil pusher with the audacity to say "Hey Boss, let's open seven hours earlier just for the extra couple of zeros!!"
I have but two words for Skippy from Accounting who thought this was genius finally taking a shiny shit on his desk: FUCK YOU.
I see no reason under God's green and verdant that we as a nation have allowed ourselves to become so driven to buy the perfect whatever for whomever that we have decided that it is okay to shit all over a national holiday like a lactose intolerant midget after a gallon of milk and skydiving lessons. I just don't get it. And let's not forget the employees who have to facilitate this socioeconomic capriciousness. What, did one of Sam Walton's DNA experiments decide that all of his employees must be overweight losers and just assume they didn't need to celebrate Thanksgiving with their families, eat a good meal, and maybe just chill the hell out for a day?
Like I said, I am a huge fan of the event we call Black Friday. Just keep it on Friday where it belongs and don't do any more to heap more ruin on one of the actually few cool holidays we have left.
I hope everyone enjoys their Thanksgiving and is actually able to take the time to appreciate what they are truly thankful for this year. Anyone who finds themselves stuck in my area without anything to do for the holiday this year feel free to give me a call. I'm cooking a turkey just for the heck of it. Somebody's got to eat it!
Wednesday, November 23, 2011
Wednesday, November 16, 2011
Faith and Religion
One of my all time without reservation idols when it comes to the expression of ideas over the last fifteen plus years is one Mr. Dennis Miller. As I wade in to the mire on my first real post for my blog, I'd like to cue up the Tears for Fears soundtrack, don a now slightly dated mid-nineties suit and open with an homage to one of the greats.
I don't want to get off on a rant here but I am so very, very tired of overtly religious people that I am ready to start volunteering to jump on the short bus to idiotville and begin committing hate crimes in alphabetical order, beginning with 'ass-kicking.'
Before I wind off any further into this diatribe I want to make sure I clarify a few things. I see a tremendous difference between people of faith and 'religious people.' My parents are people of faith. They're devout in their belief in God and have spent their lives not only living their faith but doing all they can to foster the good works of the church in their community and around the world. I also would like to clarify that this little discussion has nothing to do with one particular faith or another. My circle of friends comprises a good majority of the religious spectrum from main stream Southern Baptist to dark closet Pagan and most points in between and I have full respect for all of their beliefs. I treasure the experience of knowing these people and the richness their faith brings to them both as an individual and member of our collective community.
Where I start losing respect and start gaining vehement, full-on, eight-and-a-half-foot tall and covered in bad shag carpeting rabid Wookie-esque rage is when I get confronted with some holier than thou ass clown who gets a sense of entitlement from where they spend their collective Sunday mornings and Wednesday nights. Well, that and Scientologists, but they don't inspire rage as much as I just don't get it. I've tried but I just don't get it. Nothing about me will ever be 'clear,' so take your audit and go sit in the corner and play with your amulet made from L. Ron's ashes and leave me the hell alone.
I have lived in the south all of my life. I consider myself to be very blue collar in work ethic and sensibility with a college education thrown in for good measure. I work on a daily basis with people of, on some days literally, almost the entire spectrum of socioeconomic classes. I can start the day dealing with someone just released from prison and trying to restart their life and the very next phone call can be from a representative from a national company. I consider one of the perks of my day job to be that I get to talk to, quite literally, a wide freakin' swath of everybody. I live and work in the Raleigh metropolitan area which is as wide a cross section of cultures as you can imagine in microcasm without having to travel to more multinational destinations such as New York, Atlanta, Los Angeles, etcetera.
Out of all of those people from all of those places, why is it that I seem to find myself dead center bullseye in the crosshair of at least one butt nuggett a day who wants to use the fact that they spend two hours a week semi-sober and in what used to pass for nice clothes as justification for whatever malfeasance they have chosen to commit?
I'll even provide an example for those who think I may just be exaggerating in the slightest. A few days ago I was dealing with a gentleman over the phone and we came down on opposite sides of a financial discussion regarding his dealings with my employer. When the discussion did not go his way and he was faced with an adverse outcome he proceeded to inform me that he was going to pray that God would judge me for being such a cold and unfeeling person. Granted I had to remain professional at the time but I've got to admit that even though it's not my personal belief in any way I wanted to stop the conversation and ask the man if what he meant was that he was going to tattle on me to his imaginary friend and get me in trouble. Really? You're going to 'tell God on me?' Isn't God, in whatever form you choose to believe in, at the most basic omniscient you reprobative piece of crotch offal? Doesn't he already know this anyway you obviously ignorant pile of regret from your mother's misspent youth? Seriously?
And the saddest part of all of it is that the worst offenders in this are members of the clergy. I won't drag anyone out in the open here as I do have enormous respect for those members of the clergy who live as they should as true shepherds of their flock. I will just simply leave it at these three points regarding the errant members of their ilk: (1) The collection plate is not to be used to pay for your personal bills. That's why the church cuts you a paycheck. God hates thieves or did you already forget the ten commandments? (2) Sleeping with your parishoners is not ministering to them. It's being a horny little dick wad. Widows/widowers are not your private dating pool. Be the respectable leader the church pays you to be. (3) They're little boys (and girls) you disgusting pedophile. Just because a priest did it to you last decade/week doesn't mean it's okay to continue the cycle. 'But the Monsignor did it to me' is not a defensible position, so cut it the hell out, hang yourself with your own robes and quit using decent people's oxygen.
Look people, all I'm asking for here are two simple things: cut out the hypocrisy and just be honest. On bended knee in front of a bar, toilet, or prostitute on Saturday night and then in the same position Sunday morning just is not going to get it people. It's just not. Neither is preaching for donations on television and then using that money to pay for your wife's eyelash extensions. And neither is feeling the need for speed and dancing around in your tightie whities and a dress shirt one minute then becoming a Thetan, preaching the evil the aliens did to us all and making Valkyrie the next. Sorry Mr. Cruise, but you sorta had that one coming.
And to conclude the homage, that's my opinion, I could, and at least in someone's opinion will burn in hell for doing so, be very wrong. Thank you and good night.
I don't want to get off on a rant here but I am so very, very tired of overtly religious people that I am ready to start volunteering to jump on the short bus to idiotville and begin committing hate crimes in alphabetical order, beginning with 'ass-kicking.'
Before I wind off any further into this diatribe I want to make sure I clarify a few things. I see a tremendous difference between people of faith and 'religious people.' My parents are people of faith. They're devout in their belief in God and have spent their lives not only living their faith but doing all they can to foster the good works of the church in their community and around the world. I also would like to clarify that this little discussion has nothing to do with one particular faith or another. My circle of friends comprises a good majority of the religious spectrum from main stream Southern Baptist to dark closet Pagan and most points in between and I have full respect for all of their beliefs. I treasure the experience of knowing these people and the richness their faith brings to them both as an individual and member of our collective community.
Where I start losing respect and start gaining vehement, full-on, eight-and-a-half-foot tall and covered in bad shag carpeting rabid Wookie-esque rage is when I get confronted with some holier than thou ass clown who gets a sense of entitlement from where they spend their collective Sunday mornings and Wednesday nights. Well, that and Scientologists, but they don't inspire rage as much as I just don't get it. I've tried but I just don't get it. Nothing about me will ever be 'clear,' so take your audit and go sit in the corner and play with your amulet made from L. Ron's ashes and leave me the hell alone.
I have lived in the south all of my life. I consider myself to be very blue collar in work ethic and sensibility with a college education thrown in for good measure. I work on a daily basis with people of, on some days literally, almost the entire spectrum of socioeconomic classes. I can start the day dealing with someone just released from prison and trying to restart their life and the very next phone call can be from a representative from a national company. I consider one of the perks of my day job to be that I get to talk to, quite literally, a wide freakin' swath of everybody. I live and work in the Raleigh metropolitan area which is as wide a cross section of cultures as you can imagine in microcasm without having to travel to more multinational destinations such as New York, Atlanta, Los Angeles, etcetera.
Out of all of those people from all of those places, why is it that I seem to find myself dead center bullseye in the crosshair of at least one butt nuggett a day who wants to use the fact that they spend two hours a week semi-sober and in what used to pass for nice clothes as justification for whatever malfeasance they have chosen to commit?
I'll even provide an example for those who think I may just be exaggerating in the slightest. A few days ago I was dealing with a gentleman over the phone and we came down on opposite sides of a financial discussion regarding his dealings with my employer. When the discussion did not go his way and he was faced with an adverse outcome he proceeded to inform me that he was going to pray that God would judge me for being such a cold and unfeeling person. Granted I had to remain professional at the time but I've got to admit that even though it's not my personal belief in any way I wanted to stop the conversation and ask the man if what he meant was that he was going to tattle on me to his imaginary friend and get me in trouble. Really? You're going to 'tell God on me?' Isn't God, in whatever form you choose to believe in, at the most basic omniscient you reprobative piece of crotch offal? Doesn't he already know this anyway you obviously ignorant pile of regret from your mother's misspent youth? Seriously?
And the saddest part of all of it is that the worst offenders in this are members of the clergy. I won't drag anyone out in the open here as I do have enormous respect for those members of the clergy who live as they should as true shepherds of their flock. I will just simply leave it at these three points regarding the errant members of their ilk: (1) The collection plate is not to be used to pay for your personal bills. That's why the church cuts you a paycheck. God hates thieves or did you already forget the ten commandments? (2) Sleeping with your parishoners is not ministering to them. It's being a horny little dick wad. Widows/widowers are not your private dating pool. Be the respectable leader the church pays you to be. (3) They're little boys (and girls) you disgusting pedophile. Just because a priest did it to you last decade/week doesn't mean it's okay to continue the cycle. 'But the Monsignor did it to me' is not a defensible position, so cut it the hell out, hang yourself with your own robes and quit using decent people's oxygen.
Look people, all I'm asking for here are two simple things: cut out the hypocrisy and just be honest. On bended knee in front of a bar, toilet, or prostitute on Saturday night and then in the same position Sunday morning just is not going to get it people. It's just not. Neither is preaching for donations on television and then using that money to pay for your wife's eyelash extensions. And neither is feeling the need for speed and dancing around in your tightie whities and a dress shirt one minute then becoming a Thetan, preaching the evil the aliens did to us all and making Valkyrie the next. Sorry Mr. Cruise, but you sorta had that one coming.
And to conclude the homage, that's my opinion, I could, and at least in someone's opinion will burn in hell for doing so, be very wrong. Thank you and good night.
Tentative Publication Schedule
As I mentioned in the first post for the blog, I am also a fiction writer. The following is a brief list of my ongoing projects and, for now, approximate scheduled release dates. As always these dates are tentative for a reason but at least by putting it out there I'll keep myself in gear and get them done.
1) The Bounce at the Bottom, targeted for Q1 2012 (updated 2/10)
2) By Design (working title), targeted for late Q2 to early Q3 2012
3) Hurricane Carolina, targeted late 2012
4) The Shadow of Death (working title), targeted late 2012 early 2013
I will post updates and links to Amazon and B&N sites once the work becomes available.
1) The Bounce at the Bottom, targeted for Q1 2012 (updated 2/10)
2) By Design (working title), targeted for late Q2 to early Q3 2012
3) Hurricane Carolina, targeted late 2012
4) The Shadow of Death (working title), targeted late 2012 early 2013
I will post updates and links to Amazon and B&N sites once the work becomes available.
Opening Lines
Welcome to the long awaited, at least by the one very patient person following this blog so far, first post for The Cynical Sarcastic.
I won't go into a long self-indulgent diatribe about who I am and what this is all about before we get started. I'll stick with a much shorter one and save the self-indulgence for actual face to face conversations where it's much more fun anyway.
My name is Brian. I'm a Raleigh, North Carolina native. I am a writer by passion and a business manager by trade. One of these days I'm hoping to make the transition to making my passion my trade but, as we all know, these things take time. I am in the progress of publishing several pieces of fiction and, if you should be so inclined, there will be a separate post on this blog that will list release dates, schedules for public ridicule and the like.
Now that we've got the obligatory front-loading accomplished, let's get on with the business at hand, shall we? Namely, why on God's green and verdant Earth do I have the audacity to foist a blog out on the unassuming public? Well, it's actually pretty simple. I have two basic personality flaws, well okay to be honest two among a host of them but really the only two I can do anything about in public without fines or therapy bills. First and foremost I have an opinion. Fortunately, or unfortunately depending on how long you let me go on about it, I tend to have an opinion on a pretty wide range of subject matter. Secondly and probably the more relevant reason to this endeavor, I have been told that I have a rather unique way of looking at things that tends to flavor said opinions.
So for better or worse, richer or poorer, strange or twisted, and hopefully not rambling or nonsensical, (and to finally shut up those who have been pestering me to do this) welcome to my little slice of how I see the world. I welcome all posts, opinions, comments and criticisms. I promise I will do my best to offend everyone equally but at the same time I will do my best to try to offer up a little nugget of truth here and there at the same time.
Essentially, welcome to my brain people. Wipe your feet, you're welcome to the fridge, please put the books back on the bookshelf when you're done, don't touch my remote, and mind the bullshit. It's literally everywhere in here people and it will ruin your shoes.
I won't go into a long self-indulgent diatribe about who I am and what this is all about before we get started. I'll stick with a much shorter one and save the self-indulgence for actual face to face conversations where it's much more fun anyway.
My name is Brian. I'm a Raleigh, North Carolina native. I am a writer by passion and a business manager by trade. One of these days I'm hoping to make the transition to making my passion my trade but, as we all know, these things take time. I am in the progress of publishing several pieces of fiction and, if you should be so inclined, there will be a separate post on this blog that will list release dates, schedules for public ridicule and the like.
Now that we've got the obligatory front-loading accomplished, let's get on with the business at hand, shall we? Namely, why on God's green and verdant Earth do I have the audacity to foist a blog out on the unassuming public? Well, it's actually pretty simple. I have two basic personality flaws, well okay to be honest two among a host of them but really the only two I can do anything about in public without fines or therapy bills. First and foremost I have an opinion. Fortunately, or unfortunately depending on how long you let me go on about it, I tend to have an opinion on a pretty wide range of subject matter. Secondly and probably the more relevant reason to this endeavor, I have been told that I have a rather unique way of looking at things that tends to flavor said opinions.
So for better or worse, richer or poorer, strange or twisted, and hopefully not rambling or nonsensical, (and to finally shut up those who have been pestering me to do this) welcome to my little slice of how I see the world. I welcome all posts, opinions, comments and criticisms. I promise I will do my best to offend everyone equally but at the same time I will do my best to try to offer up a little nugget of truth here and there at the same time.
Essentially, welcome to my brain people. Wipe your feet, you're welcome to the fridge, please put the books back on the bookshelf when you're done, don't touch my remote, and mind the bullshit. It's literally everywhere in here people and it will ruin your shoes.
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