Good morning all. Before I ramp up the howitzers here, I need to catch you up on a little behind the scenes goings on...
After yesterday's post about religious effluvia on social media, I received a rather profane email from an apparently highly upset Scientologist who demanded to know why I seem to take exception to their faith as being nonsensical and make it the butt of jokes when I'll take any other faith seriously. Ignoring the fact that they obviously didn't read but maybe the last third of the post, I moved forward and replied very politely that I'm sorry if they took offense but that maybe this was an opportunity for them to explain their faith to me and essentially solve my major issue, i.e. that it just doesn't make sense to me as I understand it. I essentially begged them for a response and even offered to post what they sent me in the spirit of fairness.
Well, I got a response.
And it was golden.
True to my word, I'm going to re-post exactly what I was sent to me this morning.
"The tenets of our beliefs are for the members of our faith alone. Fuck you."
Really...
As you can imagine it took me a few minutes to dry my eyes as I wept from uncontrollable laughter. That response was truly a classic, I have to give it to this individual. Truly classic.
As I understand it, distant millennia ago, the spirits of evil alien beings were condemned to our planet. These evil spirits inhabit all of us and cause us to do evil. The only way we can be free of these influences is to take part in audit training and purification of our lives. All those who oppose the church are infested with evil and are bad influences.
It took me about five minutes to find that online. Exactly what I already knew about the faith and NOW, MORE THAN EVER, IT MAKES NO FUCKING SENSE WHATSOEVER.
Maybe I'm not supposed to get it. Maybe I'm too filled with evil alien ghosts. Maybe I forgot to give all my money to the church so good ol' Maverick can fight off the evil aliens for me. Maybe I forgot to wear a hat made out of macaroni and tin foil while marching around downtown Raleigh naked with a broomstick up my ass and attempting to use my own penis as a slide whistle on which to play the opening stanza of Amazing Grace.
All I can say is Holy Operating Thetan, Batman! There are robes aren't there? Somewhere in all this giggleshit you oppressive buttplugs try to pass off as a faith there are ominous colored robes that you have to wear over a rubber diaper. Come on, be honest. Do the electrodes hurt? I'm only asking because the only thing I can think of that can cause such hardcore rampant stupidity is good old fashioned electro-shock therapy.
Once again let me state that I firmly support everyone's right to practice whatever faith they will. I personally don't care what goes on in the circles of Scientology any more than I do at the Satanic National Convention. My only problem with this apparent circle jerk of clown shoe wisdom is their inability to behave sociably when asked a direct question. This lady isn't the first Scientologist I've had this kind of horrifically negative social interaction with. In fact, the ONLY person who practices this faith I've ever had an even remotely intelligent discussion with on the subject was a young lady I was practicing advanced immodest body positioning with and even then she was only telling me to try to convert me. I'd just love to understand the secrecy. Why will you only talk about this with others who've had the store brand Kool Aid? Hmmm....
Well, I guess I better get ready for the panel van full of guys with blue shirts to show up and tell me to cease and desist before things get ugly and they rape my dog or some such nonsense. Good luck with that by the way... Jake can be a little squirmy.
Oh yeah, and while we're being all mature here: nah screw it. This numbnut isn't even worth the effort required for a creative insult. Just shut up and go away.
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