This is going to be an unusual post for me. I have to admit that I have written, rewritten, deleted, restarted, discarded, and even almost didn't bother with this post multiple times since I decided to write it late last week. Normally I have no problem with getting rankled with an issue or individual and spewing my opinion far and wide. This time, however, I have to admit to a bit of mixed feelings.
The issue at hand is infidelity, specifically marital infidelity.
As usual, please allow me to narrow my focus a bit. If you are engaged, in a relationship, or just met someone three weeks ago and decide to step out on them, I have absolutely no quarrel with you in this matter. Not to be overly blunt but your lack of hormonal control and surplus of questionable judgment, while destructive, isn't going to ruin but just so many people's existence but for just so long.
The problem I'm having with going down the ol' rant road over marital infidelity, and probably the reason I've grappled a bit with this post, is that it's both a clear cut issue and some of the muddiest water imaginable. It's almost an issue of doing what's morally right and being human to a large extent.
The only way I know to handle this topic is to be as sympathetic and brutally honest as I can be at the same time. We'll start with the sympathetic. I understand that bad situations happen. I understand that we all make mistakes. Hell, I even understand that people get bored and sometimes even fall out of love. Marriage is not the easiest of institutions. If it was there would be a literal horde of standup comedians out of a source of material. Believe me, I have an ex-wife that I wish nothing but the nicest of biblical plagues upon. I understand what a number of you are going through and for those of you in those really jacked up situations I have nothing but empathy/sympathy (as applicable).
Now to the brutally honest part. There are far too many people in my life who are making excuses for their extra-marital shenanigans and just simply refuse to do about it. Folks, I don't care what you do with your naughty bits. First and foremost it's not my business. Secondly, I really don't care. Third, and in some cases more importantly, the mental images the mere suggestion of those activities conjure in the brains of those of us with more active imaginations is just horrific. Gentlemen, and ladies, ordinarily I really wouldn't give a damn but the thing is that as your friend / relative / innocent bystander I am put in a position by your nonsense where I have to look your husband or wife or GOD FUCKING FORBID YOUR KID in the eye knowing full well what you're doing and act like it's all okay. Simply put, I'm sick of it.
Kids, I'm not trying to set myself up as some moral standard bearer here. After all I've done my share and someone else's of dirt in my time. The fact of it is that even for those of us who may make our way through life in a certain amount of grey area there comes a point where right is right and wrong is just wrong. I'm sorry if truth hurts your feelings but if you're married and having an affair, regardless of the situation, you're doing wrong and you know it. You can get pissed and tell me to mind my own business if you want but you know I'm right. How, you ask? You wouldn't be pissed if I weren't!
The sad and conflicting part of all of this is that I know that a lot of you who are indulging your little crotch monkey have pragmatic if not nearly legitimate reasons for doing so. Hell, in some of the cases I know of it's almost understandable. It's rough but from a legal standpoint and yes, even from my fifty shades of weird, a moral side as well you are still doing wrong.
Am I presuming to tell you what to do with your life or your business? Yes, but only partially. As I said, I could care less who you wreak your carnal desires upon. Just do the right thing and end one relationship before beginning another, if for no other reason than to start the next one cleanly. It doesn't matter, you say? My husband/wife wouldn't do anything even if they did find out. I can point you to one gentlemen who sees his kid once a month on supervised visitation, one young woman who pays 85% of her income between child support and lawyer's fees, and two cemetary plot occupants who might disagree. Don't be so willing to think your spouse is too stupid to be paying attention. Private detectives exist as an industry because stupid isn't necessarily living on just on one side of a relationship. Divorce can be a clean solution or it can become a nasty, dirty, and occasionally violent form of warfare that you are potentially subjecting your family to for the sake of your selfish ass' little weekly orgasm.
In closing, I'd like to speak to those of you out there who are single and sleeping with a married person. My friend, forbidden fruit can become an addiction. Trust me, I know of what I speak. I've made the mistake in my single life as well and know how "fun" it can be. The problem is that the little habit of sleeping with someone else's spouse is that it usually ends up with you in a compromising situation, often at the business end of a gun. Almost all of my male friends will tell you that getting caught turns bad quickly and escalates even faster. As a man who was cheated on in the past by an ex I made a promise to myself that if there ever is a next one it will cost him his life. I even went as far as to tell my wife that if she decides she's ever done with me she needs to just divorce me because an affair will be fatal to her little consort. Whether it's a good thing or not she says she believe me completely. The interesting thing is that I can't be the only one out there who thinks this way, I promise you. Guys, I urge you to ask yourself one question before you consider dropping Mr. Happy into a woman wearing a wedding ring: is seeing her "o" face really worth dying for? Ladies, similarly, I might urge you to consider that wonderful reputation as a town doorknob you're working on as well. I've known a few too many women who were run flat out of a small town due to an exposed indiscretion with an influential woman's husband. Oh yeah, and there's that other pesky little legal phrase a very good buddy of mine lost over a million dollars to when his affair with his son's married teacher came to light: ALIENATION OF AFFECTION.
Folks, you can be mad at me all you'd like if this little post hits close to home. Remember, I'm not telling you what to do with your life. I may be your friend or may be just on the outer rim of your social circle but regardless I can tell you I really don't care who you squirt bodily fluids on. All I'm asking is that you be AN ADULT, embrace a novel concept and GROW UP JUST ENOUGH to do the right thing and properly end a marriage before you do more damage than is necessary. It may be hurtful but no judge or jury is going to listen to your excuses if you get nailed doing dirty. You're playing with a figurative and possibly literal loaded gun and you know it. For those of you with kids, my dear God, are you even thinking how you're little bit of fun can affect them? Here, try this one on for size: imagine trying to explain to your child why you have to move out and can only see them once a month with a court appointed guardian present after those pictures of you in a two hooker three way show up during your divorce proceeding.
Just something to think about kids. Like I said, it's complicated as issues go but eventually it boils down to just basic right and wrong and what it says about you as a person if you're willing to risk catastrophic harm to others just to get off. I understand situations, believe me, but I have been made to watch too much destruction and devastation from the shenanigans of others in the past to watch it continue without saying at least something.
Hopefully one or two of you out there who are currently doing dirt will read this and at least think about what you're doing. To the rest of you who are simple enough to want to get mad at me or whatnot, well, all I can say is I hope things work out when you mess up and get caught. From what I understand alimony is really quite a joy to pay. As for me, well, I've said my peace on the subject and I'm done with it.
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