Reality Is Gonna Hurt, I'm Afraid

Kids, I'm going to try very hard not to make this more of a rant than it has to be.  Believe it or not what I have to say here today is not said to make some kind of political statement / rail against the libtard-in-chief, etc.

What I've got on my mind is there because of actual concern over a couple of issues that are probably not going to work out the way the people that are pushing so hard for them expect them to and it's going to be rough on a lot of folks if it goes down that way.

The first thing I want to discuss is this whole $15 an hour minimum wage push.  For those of you that listen to us weekly on The Y Factor on 107.1 The Talk Station here in Morehead on Thursday nights, you've no doubt heard my counterpart Riley Lewis and I rail back and forth against each other on this issue and its effects.  I'm not going to use this space right now to debate the issue but rather let's just make the assumption that it goes into effect immediately.  There are a number of people that feel that once this happens business owners are simply going to raise prices along with a minimal staff cut to compensate.  My concern over this issue is that this is not going to be the case.  I've talked to a number of small business owners over the course of the last several months in a variety of business sizes and fields and unilaterally their response to this has been the same: if it comes to a decision between my business remaining profitable and continuing to allow my family the lifestyle to which we're accustomed due to my hard work and keeping employees on, there won't be a question.  Simply put, despite what "statistics" say and how hard the word greed gets tossed around, business owners will make decisions based on financial realities when push comes to shove and that means cutting jobs instead of raising prices and angering customers.  The sad fact is that we can argue this in theory all day long but the actual reality of it, I'm afraid, is going to be a rash of instant unemployment that no one wants to talk about just before midterm elections.

Secondly, I want to talk about this notion of white privilege. 

Go ahead and call me a racist now if you'd like and get it out of the way.  

I'll wait... Better? Now then, moving on.

I'm fairly damn sick of people apologizing for being born white or thinking that being born white somehow gives them an unfair advantage. Maybe it used to but I just don't see it as the case.  Before you start waiving statistics at me and such, remember that I'm writing this as a measure of concern not to start a fight.  Personal experience has shown me that no matter what color your skin is, if you're a dipshit, you will live accordingly.  If you work hard and are willing to fight to get and keep what you have, you will do well regardless of what color your skin is, what's in between your legs, or who you like to rub privates together with.  Everything else is beginning to boil down to an excuse.  Sorry, but there it is.  And as for this notion that we're all supposed to be equal, well, I guess that's all well and good until finances come into play.  Folks, I hate to tell you but eventually the haves get tired of paying for the have-nots.  There is an end to the gravy train for those of you out there gnawing a government tit funded by my tax dollars because you're able to work but would rather stay home and watch Jerry.  Look at St. George's community outside of Baton Rouge.  They've filed paperwork to secede from the city to form their own entity because, according to their argument, they want control of their schools and resources.  Depending on the source you read, that area (which is predominantly white) accounts for between 60-70% of tax revenues for the city. Of course the whole cause is labelled racist - BUT - how long would you be willing to foot the bill and force your child(ren) to suffer substandard educational experiences and the like when you know better can be done? The sad part of this situation is that there are now "fair share" protests in the works when, statistically, only one side is paying the lion's share.  Folks I really hate to say this but the problem with pushing and stomping on the upper 1%, hell even the upper 10%, is that eventually some of them are going to decide to push back... and what's worse is that it is already happening!

And finally, continuing to offend probably everyone but still speaking my mind out of concern, is the whole issue with the Islamic faith in this country.  I KNOW IN MY HEART OF HEARTS THAT NOT EVERY MUSLIM IS A TERRORIST!  I KNOW THAT THERE ARE AMAZING PEOPLE IN THIS FAITH THAT LOVE THIS COUNTRY AS MUCH AS I DO.  Sadly I also took time to re-read the Koran recently, for my own education and to ward off a little ignorance.  Kids, I'm sorry to say that I still did not find a religion of peace contained within that book. It's just not there.  What I did find is a blueprint for a theocracy that would want me dead for being different and not believing as they do.  The sad situation here folks is that radical Islam is everywhere, not just on the news or overseas.  Sharia law is not compatible with Western life, it's just not, and if we don't stem this tide folks we're going to see blood. The tragic part of all of this is that there are a LOT of people on both sides that want to see that happen and that's just ludicrous. I have personally talked to people that want to see Islam "stand up and prove its might" in this country and believe that violence against those of us who don't believe is warranted.  They have every right to "believe" that, as we all have rights to all of our varied faiths, but when you're willing to take that right into action is where we have to draw a line kids. It's a rough world we live in people.  We have to stop sugar coating things and call them as they are. Terrorism should be called just that, not workplace violence.  Those that wish to aid terrorism should be prosecuted as such.  It is not, and I repeat, NOT racist or discriminatory to want to protect me and mine from a radical faith that wants me dead because I find Aloha Snackbar jokes funny.  Those that wish to ignore these things or call those of us who are concerned by them racists are, as much as I hate to say it, unfortunately in for a rude awakening one day.  Just ask the two Austria girls that ran off to join ISIS...

People we live in a different world now than we did twenty years ago.  I know I may lose a few of you as readers by expressing this stuff by you know what, it's a calculated risk.  Sometimes all it can take for someone to "wake up" a bit is to hear or read an idea.  More than anything else kids, I want you to think about these things and think about them critically.  Don't take a politicians' word for it, take your own word for it.  Remember, I didn't write this to start a fight.  I wrote this to share my concerns.

What Happened?

Kids, I've got a little something to share with you all this morning.

I've noticed something about myself lately and it is really bothering me.

As with everything else these days, apparently the best place to discuss anything is on the almighty Internet.

So here goes...

I HAVE BECOME AN ANGRY PERSON

AND I DON'T LIKE IT.

I didn't used to be this way.  

Even when I first started this blog and used to rant and rave about the things in this world that pissed me off regularly, I still wasn't angry by nature.

As with everything else that goes katywompus in my life, I've over-analyzed the hell out of this until I finally came to a conclusion.

I AM ANGRY DUE TO FRUSTRATION.

I'M FRUSTRATED BECAUSE I DON'T RECOGNIZE THE WORLD WE LIVE IN ANYMORE.  THE VERY FABRIC OF OUR COUNTRY HAS CHANGED AWAY FROM ITS FUNDAMENTAL PRINCIPLES.

AND IT'S ALL HAPPENING TO THUNDEROUS APPLAUSE.

I'm beginning to wonder what it's going to take to get some people in this world to wake up.

I'm also beginning to wonder if they even can anymore.

THE ONE THING I CAN TAKE COMFORT IN IS THAT I'M NOT THE ONLY ONE FEELING THIS WAY.  THERE ARE A LOT OF PEOPLE OUT THERE JUST AS SICK OF THE NEW STATUS QUO AS I AM.

Well dammit, at least there's something I can do about it...

It's time to take the gloves off and get serious again kids.

There are things that need to be said, both just because and for my own sanity.

It's time to get back to calling it as it is and not just saving it for the radio.

Welcome Back to The Cynical Sarcastic.

Let's get the conversation rolling again.

thecynicalsarcastic@gmail.com

It's 4pm on Friday... What'll We Do This Afternoon Pinky?

Our Fearless Leader, At Least in His Mind

For those of you that have been around awhile, you know I was very staunchly against our state's 2012 referendum to ban gay marriage.  I believed then, as I do now, that any person regardless of their particular orientation should have the right to legal marriage and the benefits accorded to such unions.

Late last Friday afternoon, October 10, 2014, a pet appointee judge of our Excuse-In-Chief declared that law unconstitutional and overturned it.

I got what I wanted, right?  

Why am I not all yippy-skippy up with people about this turn of events?

It's simple people.  Ol' Barry up in the White House and his libtard cronies are so bent on conforming this nation to their total view of the world that little old things such as laws don't matter to them!

We took a VOTE AS A STATE.  The PEOPLE spoke. Agree or not, it happened and it became law.  But that doesn't really matter to our elected officials apparently.  Even down to our state Attorney General who didn't even have the balls to stand up for what the people of his state voted for in the first place.  OUR GOVERNOR HAD TO HIRE OUTSIDE COUNSEL TO DO THE JOB OF OUR SORRY ASS A.G. 

I mean Jesus Fucking Christ people!  Hell the only reason this wasn't some unilateral Executive Order was that we're less than a month away from the midterm elections and the Democrats are trying to find a way to play maximum politics and quell the bleeding a bit. Not that it will work mind you - but they're going to play their games anyway.

Don't misunderstand me here kids, I'm not pissed that gay marriage is now legal.  I'm enraged about the audacity with which our votes were merely cast aside because they don't fit the current regime's agenda.

Hell if you aren't pissed about this, you're either not paying attention or don't care.  If you don't care, good on you.  I'm past that point and can't help but give a shit.  If you're not paying attention, well, I wonder if you also missed the other sneaky little erosion of your second amendment rights that happened in the last few weeks as well.  

You did notice that Obama managed to ban all importing of Russian made firearms as part of his Executive Order banning trade on certain items and from and financial transactions with Russia in the name of "sanctions."  Yep, kiss that new Saiga shotgun or AK you were thinking about buying one day goodbye.  Thank God for the Czech Republic and Turkey and their magical mystery clone machines.

But you already knew that happened, right?  

You were paying attention, right?

Wake up kids.  You've got less than 30 days to do your research and vote accordingly.  Unless of course you're content with the status quo in Washington, then by all means, return to your binge watching of Cake Boss reruns with my blessing.

The Color of Things

I want to take just a minute to comment on racism in this country.

It exists and it exists from every angle to every person.  If you walk around outside today some person somewhere is going to dislike you simply for your complexion.

Now kids I'm going to offer you a radical piece of knowledge that some of you are going to instantly get angry over and offer every excuse and tried and true piece of crap bandwagon nonsense up to and including "Don't Shoot" to try to prove me wrong. 

Pay attention now.  It's so simple it's going to piss you off.

The perpetuation of racism in our country is the fault of every individual that uses race as a qualifier and descriptor for identification.

Black man.

White woman.

Asian-American.

Etcetera, so on, and so forth.

We put race into the equation ourselves.  Why not just see a man or a woman?  Or an American? We tag everything with race nearly automatically and I don't care what color or creed you are personally - unless you are an exceptional person you do it just like the rest of us.

Why is that a big deal?  It gives those among us who love to race-bait something to feed off of and stir pots with - pure and simple.

Take this more recent incident outside of St. Louis, the Michael Brown case.  Now take race out of the equation. Cop shoots thug moments after thug strong arm robs a convenient store and then attempts to steam roll cop after fracturing said officer's eye socket in an attempt to disarm him.  Thug meets an early end due to officer doing what he was trained to do. (Personally, that's what the evidence seems to point to as far as I'm concerned.  I really don't care if you disagree. It doesn't really matter what anyone thinks until the grand jury decides what it wants to do anyway. But hey, if rioting and tearing up the neighborhood makes you feel better...) I have a hard time believing that this officer shot this kid because he was black, let alone executed him in broad daylight as some were originally attempting to claim before evidence came out. I mean come on, everyone knows that kind of shit gets done at night.  (The white sheets show up better that way...) 

But, simply due the color of each man's skin, all hell broke loose in that town and it was stupid, wasteful, belligerent ignorance incarnate. Those people weren't destroying their own town out of anger.  They were driving in from out of town to stir things up, repeatedly escalate a slowly calming situation, and generally act a damn fool in the name of racial slights they had nothing to do with in most cases to start with.

Kids, challenge yourself tomorrow.  Take "race" out of your personal equations.  Ethnicity is no longer a determining factor in someone's worth, unless it is your determining factor for them.

Just my two cents worth.  Fuck you if you're too ignorant to catch on.

By the way, I did happen to mention I'm completely prejudiced against stupid fucks, didn't I?

The Coefficient to "Coexisting"

Kids, something is / possibly already has happened that I'm not happy about in the least.  It's probably not the brightest thing in the world to air this out online but, considering all of the ranting and raving you've collectively put up with from me by this point, you're pretty much used to my common denominator level of moron anyway.  The more I examine this internally the more I realize that it's been brewing inside my noggin for a while now so I might as well get it out there.

I'm losing my ability to be tolerant of the religious beliefs of others that I find offensive.

It started with Atheists.  To be absolutely truthful it started with Scientology but I find it actually impossible to be offended by ol' L. Ron's faithful.  I find the whole thing so scatterologically absurd that I tend to write it off to bad fiction and hyper-addictive social Kool-Aid more than anything else.  But militant Atheism has finally ruffled my feathers to the point that I'm done with it.  Look you bunch of self-righteous jack-wagons (sorry Reges but a line that good's gotta get pirated eventually), just because you don't like it doesn't mean you should use legal bullying and public brew-ha-ha to force your own impact on a community that as a majority doesn't believe as you do. Just knock it the fuck off already.  We get already.  God offends you.  Big fucking shit.  Grow up and learn to deal with things in this world you don't like just the rest of us have to, which just for you almighty edification means you in case you were wondering.  The lot of you are turning into a societal nuisance with a legal department and a civil rights intern.  Just sit down and do the rest of us a favor and go loudly fuck yourself.

What's truly sad about what I'm having to admit to here is that just as recently as five days ago I was debating the rights of others to believe as they wish as long as it didn't create harm to others and vehemently standing up for those rights.  Maybe my level of intolerance isn't exactly toward religious beliefs but those radicals within it that piss me off.  I don't know.

Then a realization hit that sickened me to the core.

Believing as strongly as I did in this

 Also meant that I had to on some level attempt to understand this

and friend that just a'gonna happen.

There is such a thing as religious extremism in this world. The sad truth of it is that the extremists within a faith tend to color that faith no matter how hard you want to try no to let it.  As pitiless of a loss as Atheism is trending in my opinion, I'm also finding myself at real odds over my own feelings about Islam as well.  I know there are is a world of good people who practice that faith and believe in its tenants with the same level of fervor that the best Christians have.  I even understand that the more radical side of that faith, including those that believe in strict adherence to Sharia law, are more akin to the Old Testament version of Christianity.  

But the simple fact is that the Koran mandates the murder of those who do not convert to Islam. 

My concern is still the same - will the extremes eventually mark the whole?  I even wonder if we as a country are looking at, in the abstract, the eventuality of interment of American citizens of Islamic faith should a conflict with IS reach our shores? It's not that far of a stretch folks and it really concerns the hell out of me.  

Don't misunderstand me.  I don't hate Muslims.  On the contrary.  I do, however, hate IS and everything it stands for to the core.  Why for the love of God we're still allowing these subhuman fucktards to continue their oxygen habit is beyond me.  I will say this though, even though I know it's pure prognostication:  should IS attack on American soil, even if it is only through some lone wackjob and in name only, being a Muslim in the US is going to get a bit tricky.

And for the life of me, as hard as I want to definitively say otherwise, I'm conflicted as hell about how I truly feel on the issue. In math the coefficient is the number that is multiplied with the variable to make an equation make sense, at least in the most generic of definitions.  Maybe what I'm missing here on this whole issue is that coefficient.  The ideological "3" to this 'x' that will equal out to 9, if you follow that math metaphor.  

Damn, no wonder I'm confused.  An English major making math analogies... ouch. 

Oh, and just for good measure and in case you weren't paying attention before, the Westboro Baptist Church can eat the entire warehouse full of rubber dicks and use their taints as squeaky toys.  In public, on Sunday afternoon, just between church and football.  Funny as it may be it can't interrupt kickoff after all.

Where's the Funny to Come From

Okay kids, I'm way, way, waaaay behind on posting so if you don't mind I'll skip the front-loading of ceremonial bullshit and get right to it.  You'll be seeing a flurry of stuff from me over the next few days so I hope you're in the mood to read / tolerate a bit...

I want to spend a few minutes on Robin Williams.  For those of you that know me well, you probably know that I considered Mr. Williams to be one of three favorite comedians, the others being George Carlin and Dennis Miller.  I was first introduced to G-rated Robin Williams thru Mork and Mindy and then, on a family vacation sometime around 12 or 13 years old, I had the privilege of seeing Good Morning, Vietnam for the first of many, many times.  Robin Williams helped to found my definition of what is truly funny.  He may even be partially responsible for my ability to rant hyper-kinetically when I get upset.  Well, maybe he gets to share that one with Dennis Miller but hey, influence is influence nonetheless.

I met Mr. Williams once.  He took over the stage at a local comedy club in Memphis one night when the comedian everyone had paid to see became ill on the stage and had to stop the show.  Apparently he was just in the crowd that night and even though he'd never met the man onstage he just jumped in to help out with a three hour set and an impromptu meet and greet afterward.  My impression of him was kind of one awe: I couldn't believe that the guy who had made me laugh so hard for so long was just this small furry dude who seemed genuinely humbled that so many people wanted to say hello after his set.  

In response to his death, well, there's not a lot to say that hasn't been beaten to death already. While I'm not an advocate of suicide, I guess it comes down to the fact that the man decided that he'd reached his exit off the turnpike.  I can't judge another's choices because I'm not privy to anyone else's thoughts.  I find it sad that such a bright light that meant so much to so many is gone, circumstances aside.

Which brings me to my real lament.  It seems that, with regard to comedy, the great ones are leaving us more and more. George Carlin's death hit me similarly to Robin William's.  God knows if Dennis Miller were to suddenly exit life stage left I'd be damn near inconsolable.  It's not that there aren't great comedians anymore, just none that hit me personally on the level that these men did and do.  I challenge you to find anything close to Robin Williams Live at the Met. I think what truly drew me in to these particular comedians was the intelligence behind the jokes. The power of observation mixed with enough snark to make it palatable.  The rapier wit sheathed in a Nerf-like cone of perception about the modern state of existence.  And, above all, the ability to recognize that God gave you a penis and a brain and only enough blood flow to operate one at the time.  

Rest in peace sir.  You are missed.

Border Border Who's Got the Border?

Trying to decide on a first article or issue to use to relaunch the Cynical Sarcastic has been exactly that:  trying.  There are so many things that I feel like need to be examined that attempting to put any for or fashion of a marching order to them has become an exercise in mental chicanery to say the least. So, in the time honored fashion of elementary school children everywhere, I threw a bunch of topics in a hat and picked one and here we go...

Let's front load this little diatribe with a couple of given, indisputable facts.  First, this country has an immigration crisis.  We have a documented case of over 300,000 illegal aliens flooding across our southern border with Mexico since January of this year.  Secondly, our government has a major issue deciding and then acting on any type of policy reform in this area.  Third, a large portion of these illegals are children.  Not as large a portion as the media would like to portray, but somewhere in the neighborhood of between 30-40% depending on whose estimate you choose to listen to that particular day.

Now I'd like to also front load with the quotation engraved on the Statue of Liberty:

"Give me your tired, your poor, your huddled masses yearning to breathe free,

The wretched refuse of your teeming shore.

Send these, the homeless, the tempest-sty to me,

I lift my lamp beside the golden door."  - Emma Lazarus 

Okay kids, strap in because now it's time for me to gush forth with my own little opinion.  Here's what I know: despite what some in our leadership would have the world believe, we are the greatest county in the world.  We have the might and right to lead.  With that comes a responsibility to set a moral example.  Like it or not, we as a country were saddled with that the second we saw fit to impose our will on any other country through military or economic action.  We have an obligation - note that I said obligation not an opportunity - to do the right thing by those who enter our country illegally.  When an unaccompanied child crosses our border I think we have double the obligation than we do for an adult.  Do we need to provide medical assistance?  Of course.  Do we need to care for them for a short period to sort out what needs to be done.  Without question.  But does simply getting here mean that they get to stay?

Therein lies the problem kids, not just for me personally but for our nation as a whole.

I want to stay away from the rhetoric for the purposes of this article.  Yes a lot of kids got bused into states that weren't aware they were coming, yes Texas has deployed the National Guard to secure the border, and yes there's a lot of sentiment swirling around that has some ugly words attached to it with regards to our government's action or lack thereof.  I don't want to delve into that here.  What I'd like to talk about is more on the human side.

Simply put, I'm torn as to what our real obligation is to these people.  I actually believe in my heart in the message inscribed in the Statue of Liberty, but then my very next question has to be "at what cost?"  It falls very much in line with the amnesty argument as far as I'm concerned.  Where do we say here and no farther?  Where do we care, either through sentiment or action, more about those in our country illegally than we do our own citizens? How do we justify diverting resources from our citizens to those that want to be?

To that extent I've decided to develop my own rather simple plan for immigration.  I applied what passes for common sense in my brain and came up with something that, although a little tough against some of my own sentiments, makes sense to me on a national level.  Tell me what you think as I would really like to hear debate on this plan.  After all, since no one else is attempting to offer something unilateral, why not try to fix it myself?

1 - Amnesty: Effective October 1, 2014 if you are an illegal alien and have (a) a provable means of income, (b) a verifiable residence, (c) no criminal record with the exception of minor traffic offenses, and (d) verifiable proof that you have paid taxes while residing in this country then congratulations, you must simply take and pass a naturalization class and you are a citizen.  The class will cost you $100 and take one night a week for 12 weeks.

2 - If you are under the age of 18 and in this country illegally: if your family is unreachable or no longer exists, you will be placed in foster care and granted citizenship.  Your citizenship will only apply to you and no other relatives except a future spouse and any offspring.

3 - Illegal aliens that cross our borders after 10/1/14 and those currently here with a criminal record will be deported.  Period.  Without a holding stay or court hearings.  If you're here and have not followed the proper visa process then you go home.  If you are here seeking political asylum, the usual rules will apply with the change that the rules will actually be applied going forward.

Pretty simple and straightforward as far as I can see.

Let me know what you think.

More to come.

Back to Scribbling

Hey kids.  I know the posting count has been a little thin for the last couple of months.  For all of my best intentions, life sometimes has a way of pushing the focus into a certain few areas whether I want it to or not.  For the handful of you still out there waiting for this next post, thanks for sticking with me while I got myself sorted through some of the more interesting stuff.  Now please do me a favor and let the other five people know that I'm back at it!

So with that being said, there is actually a silver lining to this mini-moratorium I've had to place the blog on.  The thing is that I've had some time to really analyze where I've been with this space, what's been tried and worked and failed miserably, and most importantly where things need to go moving forward.

When I started this blog several years ago I used it primarily as a place to vent my frustrations and rant and rave against the various crap in life that pissed me off.  I'm not sure if it's a combination of age, experience, or even heaven forbid maturing as a scribbler but I've reached the point where I feel like there is more here that can be done.  

I've been involved for nearly the past year with The Y Factor on The Talk Station, 107.1 FM here in Morehead City.  Should the truth be told, I've been spending a lot of time researching and prepping for that weekly on air debate / argument / whatever it may turn into that week.  The interesting thing I've learned in that time is that there are a lot of things wrong in our country. The fact is that it turns out that fewer and fewer people are actually talking about what's wrong and more and more are just accepting the status quo and whatever the yacking heads in the media are parroting to them.  It's a sad situation but it's true.

Which brings me to my point and hopefully my new purpose here in this space.  Going forward I'm going to focus The Cynical Sarcastic more toward things in our nation that need some attention drawn to them.  Whether it's politics or some wayward social issue, I'm going to try my damnedest to try to shine a bit of a light into some corners you may not be paying attention to and hopefully a few of us along the way might get a few other folks out there thinking a bit.  I can only guarantee two things: even though I'm going to try to tame my tongue a bit, my opinion is still going to come shining through and I promise I haven't joined the tinfoil hat squad. Simply put there's just a lot going on in our little world and most of us just don't pay that much attention!

Well, here we go.  Let's see what happens!

Traitors and Ghouls and Tarheels Oh My!

Okay kiddies, now that I'm back to ye olde blogosphere yet again after several weeks of diversion, there are a couple of things I want to share an opinion or two on with you.  We covered this stuff in detail on the radio and I've probably beat the issue to death with some of you privately but for everyone else I wanted to weigh in with my two rusty cents worth.

On the trade for Pvt. Bergdahl:  look folks, at best we traded a deserter for five very fully functioning terrorists.  At worst we traded a traitor for five of his buddies.  I'll admit I wasn't there and didn't see the kid walk off post BUT when those that were say they did and then get bashed by our administration...hmmm...  Not saying you got the short end of the stick on that trade there Barry but I do have some swamp land in Wyoming you should take a look at.

On the attempted murder of a friend by two Wisconsin girls trying to attract "Slenderman:"  Folks, it's not the parents' fault, nor the teachers', nor the counselors', nor anyone elses' for that matter.  We tend, as a society, to forget that there is something as a bad kid.  We had them when I was growing up, we had them when our parents and grandparents were coming along, so why the fuck suddenly can't we have them now.  Now we seem to have to blame something somewhere for the little shittard.  There is such a thing as bad people and they come from bad kids.  Sometimes DNA just doesn't combine for the betterment of the species.  Every now and then you get a sperm that goes all Leroy Jenkins on you.  It happens.  That's why we make prisons and asylums people.  They're dysfunctional people warehouses.  That's it and that's all.

Rashad McCants, you shabby, inglorious, fame seeking fucktard.  How dare you attempt to sully the good name of Carolina Basketball just to sneak your sorry ass back into the limelight for a hot minute long after your college star has faded.  College ball players get some form of special treatment everywhere dipshit and yes, it is a problem.  What's more of a problem is the chucklenut trying to jump bandwagon with a former football player and a grossly underqualified former tutor ne investigative journalist who want to taint an esteemed institution for an extra 15 minutes.  Look I still picture Dean Smith on the sidelines of a game when I hear the words "college basketball coach" and I know Roy Williams is a product of that era and what it stood for.  Is the Carolina program perfect? Probably not.  Does this bullshit need to keep dragging on?  Nope.  You know, just for good measure, FUCK RASHAAD MCCANTS, HIS MOMMA, THE NEWS AND OBSERVER, AND EVERYTHING THAT'S GOT ANYTHING TO DO WITH YALL.  (Somebody probably owes Snoop a royalty check for that but hey, if it applies...)

Well, it's been a pretty awesome day kids.  Catch up with you tomorrow.

It Has Come to My Attention...

Hey kids.  It was gently brought to my attention a few nights ago by someone who has followed both my blog, writing, and radio efforts as of late that I have been extremely neglectful in getting blog posts up in a timely manner.  Admittedly I've been spending a lot of time tied up with work and the like and I have been dedicating a good chunk of time to reading and planning for the Y Factor each week, but that's no excuse for letting everything else slip a bit.

So, here's my mea culpa.  My bad folks.  The monkey will try to do better in the future.

For those of you that aren't aware / could care less / don't have enough to do with you life and need further reason to mock me, I am a panel member on the Y Factor, a weekly talk show on WTKF 107.1 here in Morehead City.  Yes, I'm on talk radio.  Yes, I tend to represent the more "conservative" side of the spectrum during our conversations.  And yes, I get to use words like celebritard and libneck on a weekly basis.  I even get to lambast the occasional knuckle nut guest who chooses to espouse some form of nonsense or another in public.  While the panel fluctuates on occasion, it is primarily composed of Riley, our moderater/host/resident liberal, myself, and Brandon, our sports guy / well spoken cooler head in the room.

The show is supposedly about how current events effect the Millenial generation.  It's slowly morphing into throw a piece of controversy on the floor and let Brian and Riley maul each other over it while Brandon tries to keep us at bay with sticks. I'm not sure what you call it in its current form but I got to call myself a loud-mouthed chucklehead on air tonight so it's obviously become something special.  

If you would like to hear the show or get in on the conversation you can always call the station or tune in either over the air or online at wtkf107.com every Thursday night at 6pm.

So, all promos aside, thanks for being patient with me while I've been running around the last month like a crazy person.

And we're back...

Happy Memorial Day and the Like

I know, I know, I know I've been neglecting the blog a bit as of late.  Sometimes these things just can't be helped as I'm sure all of you know.  When you have a 24 hour day and book yourself for 26 hours, well things just have a tendency to drop off the map a bit.

The good news is that I'm narrowing in on the end of the road for Hurricane Carolina, finally, and also have a great idea for the next book as well.  Things are up and running again in the scribbling department and it's time for some productivity, dammit!

First and foremost, I want to take a second and wish everyone a day late Happy Memorial Day and to thank all of our veterans and active duty military for their service and sacrifices.  More and more people seem to forget what that holiday is truly about, even when you live as close to two major military bases as we do here in Morehead City.

Next, I want to also thank those of you who have continued to read the blog over the past couple of years.  We're closing in on the 250,000 pageviews mark.  Granted that's not a huge pile in the course of the interwebs (and not be completely inclusive since the counter started over a while back - probably missing a good six months worth) but considering it's my little scribblins out there in the wild I'm still pretty stoked by it).

Finally, I want to get the ol' email chains going again for your questions and comments.  Remember that you can reach me via thecynicalsarcastic@gmail.com or on Facebook (dbrianpittman) and Twitter (@dbrianpittman).

Looking forward to what the future is going to hold for us kiddies!

L.I.L.

Hey kids.  Listen, I can't stress this enough: today is the primary election and you need to get out and vote.  Even if I vehemently couldnt agree less with your viewpoint, I still emplore you to do your civic duty today. Our country's future is too critically important to voice your opinion in absencia.

That being said, I feel I need to address a few of you head-on.  I'm speaking to those of you I loving refer to as "low information liberals," or more accurately libtards.  This applies to those of you on the other side of the political fence from me who still view our president and his cronies in Congress with rose colored Messianic glasses and refuse to do anything contrary to the "message".  Folks, continually nodding your rights and freedoms away by simple agreement is what got us where we are now.  Do some reading, spend some time talking to your friends and family, but for the love of all that is holy get at least some information in your noggin before you vote.

Remember, I don't care if we have a difference of opinion. I'm just shocked by the number of people still willing to simply drink the kool-aid with no thought process or critical thinking behind their decision.

Happy voting yall!

The Clippers Situation (semi-NSFW)

You know kids, if anyone had come to me two years ago when I started this blog and through some miracle of prognostication informed me that I'd be commenting on ANYTHING that had to do with the Clippers basketball program I would have laughed them out of my personal airspace.

But shit it does happen.

Look, with the media circus surrounding this whole nonsense I'm just going to assume you have not only heard about the issue but have an opinion.  Great.  I'm not going to try to educate anyone.  I'm just going to weigh in a bit.

First and foremost this man is a racist.  Pure and simple.  It's not even a secret in the league or for anyone around the league.  It's about as classified a piece of information in the NBA as the fact that Dean Smith is/was a smoker (I'm assuming he's quit by now) was in the ACC.  Now here's where I'm going to piss some people off:  BIG FUCKING DEAL.

Is he right for being a racist?  Of course not.  He's an ignorant ass with a lot of money who feels like the people of color who work for him AND CONSEQUENTLY MAKE HIM A GOOD DEAL OF THAT MONEY BY THE WAY owe him something like Massa up in the big house.  As Snoop Dogg so eloquently put it in his video response yesterday: click here for video

But there's something a lot more simplistic going on here that most people just don't seem to get. This guy's an idiot, sure.  His business will suffer for his idiocy. Granted. Will he lose his team because of his stupidity?  Two words:  Marge Schott.  Sanctions and fines incoming?  You bet your sweet little sugar crusted tail parts.  

But what's the real error here?

An old white dude with a pharmaceutically encouraged manhood got a piece of hot ass and let his judgment get impared by it.  Because of his inability to keep his pie hole closed around the woman he used to wave his decrepit little sausage at he has now had his (arguably) private feelings put on the national stage. He fell for the oldest play in the book:  old dude and young, hot pootie.  Pure and simple.

Dumbass on him.

There is not one of us out there who would not be horrified if our inner thoughts and feelings were suddenly published.  Not nere a one of us.  If what is in each of our heads was suddenly out there for all to see there'd be a rash of social ostracizing that would make a leper colony look like a cuddly place to live.  

Do I feel bad for the man.  Not one bit.  Could it happen to any of us?  

Bet your aforementioned sugar crusted parts on it.

Wack-A-Doo

Now kids, I usually try to reserve my name-calling for those who actually deserve it.

Oh hell, who am I kidding?  I've thrown around enough misanthropic missives and questioned enough parentage, including genus, phyllum, and species, that I'm surprised the Church of Satan hasn't contacted me for their next rewrite of their holy scripture.  You know, the gospel according to L. Ron Hubbard?  But I digress...

A couple of weeks ago we as a nation were somewhat captivated, okay had our collective interests tweaked between reality shows, by the standoff between the Bureau of Land Management and the supposedly good folks out at the Bundy Ranch in Nevada.  During that conflict I had an opportunity to speak with a gentleman who was a friend of the Bundy family that lives in my local area as I was waiting to get on air for my Thursday night radio duties.  I was initially impressed by this man's fervor and concern for his family friends and "friend-ed" him on Facebook to keep up with the goings-on, as it were.

I'm not going to call this man out by name.  I will however suffice it to say that he has the complete, utter, and total honor of being the ONLY person I have summarily deleted from my Facebook page in well over two years.  Why you  may ask?

Simple.  This moron turned out to be a wack-a-doo.

For those of you not familiar with the term, let's just say that within a very few days I had a news feed full of more anti-government rhetoric spewing horseshit from people with less than a working handle on the written form of the English language than I ever expected.  Hell, it probably landed me on the last couple of watch lists for the NSA that I wasn't already on for my tendency to say silly little stuff like "FUCK OBAMA" on a fairly regular basis.

Pardon me just a moment.  Suddenly there's a black SUV in my driveway that I don't recognize.

.....

Never mind, it was just the Omaha Steaks guy looking for new business.

Moving on.

What never ceases to amaze me is how easily these fruitbars seem to infiltrate our lives when we're not looking.  And they're really not all that obvious anymore either.  A buddy of mine recently joined a "community preparedness" group.  My first thoughts: wackadoos but at least he's out of the house more.  Come to find out they're actually just a good group of guys that are concerned by our local government's lack of disaster and emergency preparation and planning.  Hell they're all even employed and vote.  To be completely honest I wouldn't mind hanging out with these guys a bit more often.  They're not wrong.

That being said however, try doing something innocuous like say ordering a thousand feet of paracord because you're bored and want to learn new things.  All of a sudden my inbox looks like a wackadoo orgy in progress with messages telling me how much my government hates me and how civilization is going to end because of Obama.  Okay that one might be true but still.  

Maybe I'm wrong.  Maybe the zombies really are coming and the Democrats really do want to take everything I own and turn our country into a monstrous homogenized mosh pit where being white and male is a crime and our only civil right is the right to shut the fuck up.  I don't know.  I also don't think there's anything wrong with a little prep in case of a natural disaster, like say if you live in a hurricane prone area like I do.  If you're of a certain mindset maybe even a little bug-out bag might be a good idea.  But full on-next-on-Doomsday-Preppers-hysteria just seems a little over the side and right out into the deep water to me folks.

So how do you spot a wack-a-doo in your normal daily life?  Just listen to what comes out of their mouth.  They may make perfect sense at first, believe me.  You may even find yourself agreeing with them at the outset.  They they drop that Amway - L Ron loves you - the government hates us all - my kids go to school on the planet Klatu and I need gas money to get there horseshit and you finally see through it all.

And then of course you spend the next week feeling like a complete dumbshit for not catching on sooner.  Yeah, that's a lot of fun.  But we live, learn, delete from Facebook, and mock endless in semi-public forums to make ourselves feel better and then move on.  Quickly.

Have a great one kids.  More to come.

A Few Random Thoughts

I've come to the conclusion that I really don't do all that well when left to my own devices for any substantial period of time.  At the moment my wife is away for the second of four weeks in Wilson attending Grooming School with her job at PetsMart.  Over the last twelve days or so I've cleaned my house to within an inch of its life, harassed my animals to within an inch of their collective four legged sanity and just generally made a nuisance of myself to my laptop in attempts to string words together into sentences.

Sadly what I'm down to at this point is cooking, cleaning, moderate consumption of alcohol and thinking far too much.  So, as a means of annoying everyone equally, here's a few things that have popped into ye olde brain basket over the last few days:

1)  It occurs to me that the "me" in my head is pretty much the same critter at 40 that I was at 20.  Yes I've grown and (debatably) matured, but for the most part I'm still the same dude. It further occurs to me that I don't really see that changing.  If I'm mentally and potentially psychologically the same monkey at 60 and 80 then it kind of takes the "heroics" out of growing older, doesn't it?  Essentially you just become the same cat in an ever more decrepit sack of aches and pains.

2)  Why did it take a Supreme Court decision to start up the discussion of repealing Affirmative Action?  Should using race as the basis of any decision, good or bad, automatically qualify as racism in our modern mindset?

3)  Someone in the fast food industry is actually paying attention for a change.  Between Taco Bell's breakfast and Chick Fil A's new grilled nuggets I can eat fast food and not feel like Toby the fluffy gut sloth anymore.  Rock on sirs.

4)  Why do we mow grass but eat weeds?

5)  I've come up with a one question test for someone considering adultery: can you bear the thought of your spouse finding out you cheated?  If no, then don't.  If yes, get divorced or just hide the body and be done with it.  See, simple.

6)  I realized that I've spent around $1,000 over the last ten years on toys for my largest dog.  Tennis balls are 3 for $1 and he loves them like old people love church.  I'm a moron.

7)  Have you ever noticed that most of the truly ignorant, bigoted, and just generally backward people are also among the most significantly economically disadvantaged?  Now I understand how Obama got elected.  He appealed to the poor, stupid, and those who just didn't know any better.

8)  It's a tough moment when you come to the realization that your gym bag is in such bad need of cleaning that the cats refuse to sleep in it anymore.

9)  I now understand that as I've gotten older my tastes in video games has changed.  I now only play games that are either well produced, high production value, deeply immersive experiences or brain candy.  My tolerances for middle of the road are just gone.  And then there's number 10...

10)  My wife has been playing South Park: The Stick of Truth lately.  I admit to having a bent, twisted, nearly broken sense of humor easily.  This game goes so far beyond "holy crap" and takes a deep left at "just damn" that I can't even easily describe it.  It's either a work of art or a door pass straight into hell, I'm not sure which.  Well done sirs, well done indeed.

And that's all I've got for tonight.

Apologies to Jack Handy.  

And anyone else who actually read all of this.

I'll do better tomorrow I swear...

My Fifty Cents on the Bundy Issue...

Good morning kids.

Believe it or not, no matter how many fliers I may take off into deep right center over some issue or another that has pissed me off beyond human recognition, I actually try pretty hard to not come off as some ultra-right wing conspiracy theorist Bill of Rights spewing wackadoo.  I’m usually the guy telling someone else to adjust their tin foil fedora for a little better reception from the mothership.

And then something like the bullshit that’s going on in Nevada right now over the whole Bundy Ranch issue starts up and I have to seriously consider taking stock in some good ol’ aluminium (British spelling sir, calm down) myself. 

I’m not going to take the time here to educate you on what’s going on if you’re not aware.  If you have no clue what I’m talking about I suggest you stop being a dipshit and learn a thing.  This is serious business folks and it sets a very, very dangerous precedent.

I’m also not going to preach and rant and rave on this subject.  I’ll save that for the radio show Thursday night. What I am going to do is to speak my mind on a few points and leave it at that.  We’ll debate whatever points you all wish or discuss ad nauseum at a later date.  I just need to get this out there.

So here are my points for thought on this issue:

1-      Mr. Bundy is in the wrong.  He’s illegally grazing his cattle on that land.  It’s a fact.

2-      This is a civil issue, not a criminal one, in all but the most narrow of interpretations.

3-      We have civil courts and a Sheriff’s Department in every county of this country to resolve these types of issues.  At its core this is an issue of imminent domain, jurisdiction, adverse possession, and overreach.

4-      Sending officers armed with automatic weapons and placing sniper teams on overwatch to effect the removal of illegally grazing cattle is akin to using a SWAT team to kick some dumbass out of government housing for not paying his $15 a month.

5-      The “militia” showing on said property was not effected by some group of nutballs.  These are concerned citizens who saw the potential for a complete erosion of their rights.  I’m not saying however there aren’t a couple o’ nutballs present, however.

6-      Question:  since when did the federal government become involved in a state land issue LEGALLY without either the purchase of said land from the state or the exercise of imminent domain?

7-      If you think for one minute that this situation has de-escalated because of the temporary withdraw of force by our government, you are sadly mistaken.

Folks, I have a bad feeling about this one.  I’m concerned that some moron, be they government employee behind a desk, law enforcement officer just trying to do their job, a law abiding citizen trying to protect their rights, or some asshole looking for a reason get his or her gun off is going to start an incident that will get someone, if not a lot of someone’s killed.  Cooler heads have to prevail here people.  Armed clashes are not what we need as a country UNLESS we’re ready, as a populace, to go all in and I just don’t see that as the case.  Not yet anyway.

However, that being said, I’d like to point out one thing.  Yes I understand the Supreme Court has upheld the right of the LOCAL AUTHORITIES to cordon off 1^st Amendment zones when protests can turn violent over known issues.  However, the same decision states that 1^st Amendment zones are illegal unless a clear and demonstrable danger exists BEFORE they are instituted.  Otherwise, and please pay attention Mr. Obama and company, OUR 1^ST AMENDMENT ZONE EXTENDS FROM THE FUCKING CANADIAN BORDER TO THE MEXICAN ONE AND GETS RATHER WET ON ITS EASTERN AND WESTERN MOST SIDES AND UNTIL I SEE OUR CONSITUTION BURNT TO A CINDER ON THE ALTER OF ULTRA-LIBERAL HOMOGENY THEN YOU CAN TAKE YOUR ATTEMPTS TO CONTINUALLY DEGRADE MY CONSTITUTIONALLY PROTECTED RIGHTS AND SHOVE THEM UP YOUR HIGH AND MIGHTY SOCIALIST ASS.

I’ll be waiting out front for the black SUV’s. 

I’ll be the one in the tin foil hat if you’re not sure how to find me.  

They seem to be becoming fashionable.

Let's Talk About the Dog

This is Max.  Max is my brand new, now 13 week old and nearly 60 pound American Bulldog brother in law.

For the sake of everyone out there, we need to have a talk about Max and all those like him.

I'm talking about intact male puppies.

Simply put, Max's breeder recommended allowing Max to reach about six months old before he was taken in for his snip and clip.

I'm also blessed to have a large animal vet in the family, Dr. Emily Gilmette of New Bern, N.C.  And yes, before you start cracking jokes, she is both the person who provides most of my medication for me (kidding) while subsequently reminding me that most of her patients are easily four times my size (not so much with the kidding).  Her opinion is that ol' Max and his beans of manliness (or dogliness as the case may be) needed to have parted company at eight weeks old.  

Usually I agree with her train of thought regarding my own animals, however, maybe this breeder knew something I didn't.  Not to doubt Dr. Emily's deity-esque level of knowledge in the veterinary sciences (yes I am very, very scared of what she can do with a shoulder length rubber glove and some of the toys in her truck), but I decided to do a little digging myself on the interwebs and see what there was to see on the subject of American Bulldogs and their boy nuggets.

The consensus is that Dr. Emily is right and they need to get the neuter done asap.  The other interesting thing I found in my reading is that intact Mastiff breed puppies in general tend to go through what one writer referred to as a "grumpy" phase around six months old that can be disastrous when combined with other older intact males.  

So why bring the case of ol' Max up to everyone's attention.  We all like to think we're great pet owners, just like we all like to think we're good parents.  The truth of the matter is that we all could probably use a bit more education and do a bit more reading when it comes down to it.

Now if you'll excuse me, I'm off to find an excuse to stop by my in-laws' house and get me some puppy snuggles!